Random Jobless thoughts

I get very random thoughts when I'm not supposed to. I haveto study for the test that I'm going to test in 2 days, and here I am thinking about how I used to spend this time back in India. hmmm... brings a big smile on my face, similar to Joey's smile when he starts dreaming about a really dumb thing. heheh... now I'm laughing the same way as Joey does after the dream's over :)

neways, back to the point!

I felt like listening to some Indian songs and bounced upon Pandit Bhimsen Joshi's marathi songs. The very first song reminded me so much of home. I used to HATE his songs so much. I don't know how I developed a liking to them suddenly. Probably am missing home? Or probably I want to be in my dad's position, listen to the songs and feel just like he feels. Watever the reason be, I'm homesick now!

I am thinking of the nights that I used to spend at Hyderabad, my first home. I used to be at the Officer's mess library or with a friend in the DRDO colony at 7pm. I used to leave for home around 9. I remember the lonely streets outside the quarters. They were so peaceful. My driving was so fast on these streets that my nose would be numb by the time I was home. I can still feel the long lonely drive back home, the wind that blew my hair and the autos that used to pom-pom as I drove by rashly. Home was so relaxing. I knew that there was nothing being expected from me at this point of time, and there was in fact nothing to do at all. My mind would be totally blank while driving, and oh boy, how awesome an empty mind is! The same routine would follow on returning home: eat, read some novel and sleep off.

Nothing to care about and nothing to look forward to.

My second home, IITM, gives me mixed memories. Sometimes I recollect the lonely wing with noone around and I looking out for some soul to come in so that I could end my boredom. I remember either going back to my room and forcing myself to read a novel or going to the common room just for the heck of it. But these thoughts only come to me when I feel lonely, as I do now. But when I'm just thinking about the IIT times, I think about myself standing topless in the wing enjoying the awesome wind across the whole of my body, sitting beside the window and the raindrops falling on my body giving me a tingling feeling, sitting in Narsi's room or on wing cot and farting very joblessly. As I keep thinking, I get more and more of them. So I stop and get back to my books to study for test, remember? And here I am again thinking how I used to study, either alone or with Narsi and stud or with Pondy in his hostel very very late at night.

Huh! wish I could get those days back. Life here is not so jobless at all. There's always tension on my mind. ALWAYS! Even on weekends when I'm enjoying I have the feeling that I gotta do so and so. That's what makes me feel I should be getting the good old days back.

This reminds me of a talk with Meling, a Chinese lady here. She was showing me some new born cats. I said I wish I was just a child like them. She looked surprised and said,"You must have had a really good childhood." That's the only time in my life when I felt I really had a GREAT childhood.